


Love You, Goodbye

by shnixangel



Series: Love You, Goodbye [1]
Category: BBC Radio 1 RPF, One Direction (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-12
Updated: 2015-11-12
Packaged: 2018-05-01 07:05:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,107
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5196746
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shnixangel/pseuds/shnixangel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Louis looked at the back of Nick’s head as he walked into Nick’s living room.  Nick was wearing a thin white t-shirt from his Topman collection and Louis could see the tension in Nick’s shoulders as he heard Louis come in.</p>
<p>‘Got everything?’ Nick asked sharply, turning to face Louis.<br/>‘Please don’t, Nick.’ Louis breathed out.<br/>‘Don’t what?  Be upset?  Sorry, far too late for that.’ Nick retaliated.<br/>‘I don’t want this.’ Louis mumbled, putting his bag on the floor.</p>
<p>Nick turned away from Louis, putting his head in his hands, trying to breathe through the wave of emotions barreling through him, unable to believe how the day had turned out.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Love You, Goodbye

**Author's Note:**

  * For [shniam](https://archiveofourown.org/users/shniam/gifts).



> Inspired by One Direction's song Love You Goodbye and Tomlinshaw was just screaming out to be written!

Love You Goodbye 

Louis looked at the back of Nick’s head as he walked into Nick’s living room. Nick was wearing a thin white t-shirt from his Topman collection and Louis could see the tension in Nick’s shoulders as he heard Louis come in.

‘Got everything?’ Nick asked sharply, turning to face Louis.  
‘Please don’t, Nick.’ Louis breathed out.  
‘Don’t what? Be upset? Sorry, far too late for that.’ Nick retaliated.  
‘I don’t want this.’ Louis mumbled, putting his bag on the floor.

Nick turned away from Louis, putting his head in his hands, trying to breathe through the wave of emotions barreling through him, unable to believe how the day had turned out.

*** 

Louis had turned up at midday, just as Nick had got home from the BBC. Nick hadn’t been expecting him, as they’d seen each other a few days ago and Louis had told him that they were doing so much promo in the next few weeks, he wasn’t sure when he’d be able to see Nick again.

So it was a surprise, and a great one at that. They’d barely been able to keep their hands off each other as Louis had got through the door and had spent most of the afternoon in bed, Nick having to cancel his plans with his friends that evening.

When they’d finally got out of bed, both hungry, and Nick had been cooking in the kitchen, he’d commented to Louis that he couldn’t wait until their break was starting, then at least they could spend a bit more time together.

In hindsight, he should’ve picked up on the fact that Louis was silent for longer than he should’ve been, but Nick was too busy looking for a herb in the cupboard that when Louis finally spoke, Nick wasn’t expecting it.

‘About that…’ Louis began, sitting down on one of the stools in the kitchen.

Nick was slow to turn around as his heart suddenly fell into his stomach. He looked at Louis and raised one eyebrow questioningly. 

Louis looked down at his hands, fiddling with them to avoid what he knew was going to be a very awkward conversation.

‘Lou?’ Nick asked again, turning the hob off feeling that dinner was somehow going to be ignored now.

‘This has been a lot of fun…’ Louis began.

Nick shut his eyes and sighed. ‘Right…’ He said, crossing his arms across his chest defensively. ‘But?’ He asked with a sigh.

Louis swung his feet at the bottom of the stool, still not looking at Nick. He let out a slow breath. ‘I kind of want this break to be about me, and doing what I want, when I want to…’

‘So this isn’t something you want to do? What the fuck is it then Louis?’ Nick snapped.  
‘Look, I never wanted this to get serious.’ Louis said, still avoiding Nick’s eyes.  
‘Who says it has?’ Nick frowned.  
‘You just talked about seeing more of me when the break was on!’ Louis said exasperatedly.

Nick took a deep breath, really trying his hardest not to snap back at Louis. ‘Ok, that doesn’t mean it has to be serious, does it?’

‘I hate the sneaking around.’ Louis admitted.  
‘Look at me.’ Nick said quietly, biting down on his bottom lip as Louis shut his eyes. ‘You think this is a walk in the park for me Louis?’ Nick snapped. ‘I’ve been jerked around by you for fucking months, and not the good kind!’ He cried. ‘Never once have I asked for more from you than what you’re prepared to give.’

Louis felt tears prick at the backs of his eyes and he slid off the stool. 

‘Louis, fucking look at me.’ Nick snapped and Louis finally looked at him, guilt written all over his face.

‘Is this about something more?’ Nick asked quietly. 

Louis shook his head quickly. ‘No, it’s not. I promise.’

‘So, what’s the problem?’  
‘I just…I want some me time. I haven’t had any fucking time to myself for five fucking years and I just want to be a bit selfish about what I’m going to do now.

Nick let out a loud breath. ‘Well, think you’re pretty fucking selfish right about now, so fine, be like that.’ He shrugged, turning away from Louis.

‘Nick, it’s not that I don’t want to see you at all…’ Louis tailed off as Nick turned the hob back on, crashing pans together and slamming a drawer shut.

‘Well, I’m sorry but I’m not going to hang around on the off chance that you fancy a shag.’ Nick said bitterly.

‘Why not? It’s what you’ve spent the last nine months doing.’ Louis replied angrily.

Nick spun around quickly and the spatula flew out of his hand, narrowly missing Louis and bouncing off the frame of the door.

‘Get out.’ Nick said coolly, turning the hob off again and storming out of the kitchen.

*** 

Louis sat on Nick’s bed half an hour later. After Nick had stormed out of the kitchen, Louis had gone into Nick’s room. This wasn’t at all what he’d planned. He’d just wanted a nice afternoon with Nick and, he supposed, that’s what he’d had, but he’d known that he wanted to talk to Nick about what they were going to do when Louis was finally on the One Direction break. It wasn’t that he wanted to break up with Nick, but he felt that he really needed some time to himself, and he didn’t want to have to put anyone else first but himself, as for the last five years, he’d put himself last and he was sick and tired of it.

Deciding to have a shower, Louis slowly climbed off the bed.

*** 

Nick had chain smoked his way through almost an entire packet of cigarettes when he heard the shower start up. He couldn’t believe that Louis had the nerve to take a shower after he’d told Louis to get out.

If he was honest, he’d been expecting this conversation a few months ago, but when it hadn’t come, Nick had lulled himself into a false sense of security and thrown himself into being with Louis and ignoring what might happen in the future.

They weren’t exactly a match made in heaven. They were both fairly selfish people and hot headed, and communication wasn’t exactly top of their list of qualities, but somehow, they worked together and Nick had honestly thought that they’d be able to spend more time together when One Direction went on their break.

*** 

Louis let out a shaky breath as he picked up the bag of stuff he’d gathered up from Nick’s room. He’d got changed into a pair of skinny jeans and one of the jumpers Nick had given him when his Topman range had come out. He wasn’t sure whether he was allowed to take it, but he figured it had been a gift, so he was going to at least try to get out of the door with it.

*** 

Louis looked at the back of Nick’s head as he walked into Nick’s living room. Nick was wearing a thin white t-shirt from his Topman collection and Louis could see the tension in Nick’s shoulders as he heard Louis come in.

‘Got everything?’ Nick asked sharply, turning to face Louis.  
‘Please don’t, Nick.’ Louis breathed out.  
‘Don’t what? Be upset? Sorry, far too late for that.’ Nick retaliated.  
‘I don’t want this.’ Louis mumbled, putting his bag on the floor.

Nick turned away from Louis, putting his head in his hands, trying to breathe through the wave of emotions barreling through him, unable to believe how the day had turned out.

‘If you don’t want this, why are you doing this then?’ Nick pleaded, standing up and walking around the sofa to stand in front of Louis. Of course he looked fucking amazing after his shower, wet hair plastered over his head, wearing one of Nick’s jumpers.

‘I just need this break to be about me, Nick.’ Louis told him again.

Nick nodded slowly, reaching out for one of Louis’ hands. ‘Stay tonight?’ He asked quietly.

Louis took a deep breath, looking up at the ceiling. ‘I can’t Nick.’  
‘Please.’

Louis wiped his eyes with the back of his free hand. ‘Nick…’ He started.  
‘Look, if this is it, if we’re breaking up, although that’s not even possible because we aren’t even properly together, then please stay tonight.’ Nick begged, moving closer to Louis.

Louis nodded briefly. ‘Make me tea?’

Nick swallowed thickly and let go of Louis’ hand. ‘Yeah, ok. You’re gonna miss how great I make your tea.’ He said with a weak smile.

Louis returned his weak smile. ‘It has taken me a while to teach you how to make the perfect tea.’ 

‘You’ll have to make it yourself now.’ Nick said, going into the kitchen and turning the kettle on. 

*** 

‘Nick, you’ve got to go to bed.’ Louis said a few hours later. They’d sat on the sofa with tea and hot chocolate, the TV playing quietly in the background and Nick was virtually asleep with his head on Louis’ shoulder.

Nick shook his head. ‘No.’ He murmured.  
‘You’ve got to go to work in the morning.’ Louis said gently. ‘It’s 1am.’  
‘I’ll go to bed if you come with me.’ Nick mumbled.

Louis sighed. There was a large part of him that just wanted to climb into bed with Nick, cuddle up and sleep for hours, but he knew that if he did that, it would be harder to leave in the morning than it was already going to be.

‘Ok.’ Louis eventually agreed.

*** 

Louis watched as Nick fell asleep almost immediately once they were in bed. They weren’t touching, but were just millimeters apart. Nick was lying on his side, facing Louis and Louis mirroring him.

This was proving to be much harder than Louis had thought it would be. When he and Nick had first hooked up, it was a drunken encounter, but when they’d woken up the next morning, there had been no awkwardness and they’d just fallen into a pattern of seeing each other whenever Louis was in the country. 

Louis kept on telling himself not to get too attached, that Nick would eventually get bored of him, of hiding what they were doing. But he’d started thinking about how he just wanted some time to himself when he went on the hiatus and he didn’t want to have to account for his time to somebody else – he wanted to do what he wanted, when he wanted to and not have to answer to anybody.

Eventually, Louis slid his hand onto Nick’s hip, rubbing it gently before he fell asleep.

*** 

Nick’s alarm went off 4 hours later and he awoke with a start. Seeing Louis asleep beside him, Nick’s stomach jolted as he remembered their conversation from the night before.

Louis stirred just as Nick turned his alarm off. ‘Morning.’

Nick let out a watery smile as he turned on the small lamp beside his bed. ‘Hey.’

Louis watched as Nick got out of bed, wondering if he was making the right decision. 

15 minutes later, Louis hauled himself out of bed, getting dressed and he followed Nick into the lounge, watching whilst Nick let Pig out for her morning business.

‘I’ve gotta go.’ Louis said into the stillness of the morning.

Nick faltered as he closed the patio door behind Pig as she got back into her bed. He nodded. ‘Ok.’

Louis walked over to Nick and stopped right in front of him. ‘Think I might miss your stupid face in a morning.’

Nick let out a surprised laugh. ‘Thanks. Ditto.’

‘Bye Nick.’ Louis said softly, standing on tiptoes to kiss Nick one last time.

Walking away from Nick, Louis picked up his bag and headed to the hallway, not looking back because he knew it would be his undoing.

When Nick heard the front door click shut quietly, he fell back into the comfy armchair by the dining table, tears pricking at his eyes as he realised Louis had really gone.

*** 

Louis sat in his car for a while, holding onto the steering wheel tightly. He glanced up as Nick let himself out of his flat a few minutes later and watched Nick get into his car. It was still dark but the street lights provided enough light for Louis to see the look on Nick’s face. Ashen and heartbroken.

He watched Nick drive away and he turned his own engine on, before heading for home with a heavy heart he’d not been expecting to break.

The End


End file.
